How I got my Power Back

The past month has been one to remember, and not in the best of ways. The fact that I am able to write about it, means that I have now passed through it and am coming out the other end.

Since our big charity event in mid-October, I have become somewhat of a hermit; unmotivated and generally lacking of energy. One might say that this is normal after an event that requires so much time, focus, energy and effort. It’s pretty much the same story each time. I run on adrenaline and then once it’s done, I fall in a heap.

So I was prepared for that. I had made up my mind to write off the rest of the year and cruise through the downhill slide to Christmas. But that’s not possible, because after such an event there’s all the post event stuff like all the thank you letters, the distribution of funds, the reconciliation of the income and expenses, reporting to the committee and presenting the results, and finally the production of video content, distribution of photography, and writing for our magazines, all of which must be completed by mid-December, together with all the usual stuff that is to be fitted in between.

How is it going? Well considering it is now the end of November, not very well, I’m afraid.

This last month, whilst in my hibernation, I have had the opportunity to reflect on my life at this point. If I look at the picture of what is now, it is completely different to how I imagined it would be. This self-reflection caused me to look at what is important, where I am letting myself down, what kind of person do I want to be, and how is it different to who I am. It has caused me to look at the people around me and to determine if these are the people I should be surrounding myself with. In the end, it is the people around you who reflect who you are. What you see in them, is a reflection of you, so it is extremely important that you like what you see.

One of the main things I have come to realise though, is that when I lose sight of what my true purpose is, then I really struggle. When I know what my purpose it, I am full of energy and work with a great deal of passion, so much so that it doesn’t feel like work at all.

So it seems that in the past few months, I had temporarily forgotten who I was. I had temporarily lost sight of the value I add to places and things, and most importantly, I had allowed the people around me to tell me who I was, or was allowed to be. Whilst I can be angry at them, I can’t blame them; I am the one who chose to listen to them. Since when do I allow others to tell me who or what I am?

When times feel tough, you have two options: continue to sit in your pile of crap or find a way to get yourself out of it. There’s no easy answer. When the path gets cluttered and filled with obstacles, there is only one solution, and it’s to go through it; stepping carefully over the rubbish, confronting the obstacles, recognising the lessons, resolving it with yourself, and moving on the next part. It’s a process, and sometimes it takes longer than you anticipated, but you just have to have faith that what awaits you on the other side, is worth all of that struggle.

(I’ll let you in on a very important thing I have discovered in my life: when things are left unresolved, they never quite go away, they just resurface at another time, in a slightly different form until you can deal with it, learn and grow from it, before you send it on its way for good, never to return again).

As I mentioned, during this sluggish period, I lacked creativity and energy, and considering my job pretty much depends on both of those things, I wasn’t being very productive at all. In the past few days, I have started to get my mojo back. What made it come back? The process and the learnings along the way that help me to prioritise what’s important, loosen my dependency on the things around me, and focus solely on me. When I am valuing myself and being the best person I can be, then those around me who depend on me, also get the value.

The only person who can change your life is you. So many people spend their lives waiting for something to happen to make them happy. They put their happiness in the hands of something which is external to them. Risky move. What about if that thing or person doesn’t come through. The only way to achieve happiness is for you to find it within yourself. It doesn’t exist elsewhere. Once you find it in you, your happiness will attract the things around you that will sustain it. But it starts with you; make no mistake about it. You can’t control external forces, only the internal ones.

So, what made me snap out of it? Well, it wasn’t really a matter of snapping out of it, it was more like a concerted effort each day; small steps, relapses, refocus, no looking back and a whole lot of support. As I said before, my energy is very much dependent on valuing myself; seeing where I am of value and aligning my passion with my purpose. When I don’t have a goal to work towards or feel like I have no purpose, I feel like I am not living but merely existing. When I realise that I wasn’t born to merely exist, then I begin to remember what it is that I am supposed to do.

It helps that the universe has a way of bringing you what you need to see or hear. Last week was filled with reminders of my purpose; board meetings where I get to add value, seeing the impact of my actions through the behaviour of my children, conversations with people who value my insight and ask for my advice, seeing the value I bring to my workplace, and to top it off, the opportunity to tell my story to a group of disadvantaged youths who are trying to change their lives by learning what it takes to find and keep a job.

It wasn’t until I sat down to write what I was going to say to these young people, that I realised that, ‘hey, I have a pretty good story to tell’… and the reason that it is good has nothing to do with the sequence of events but about how much I had grown and developed as a result of having experienced those events.

We all have a unique story to tell, and I try to tell mine in a way that will connect with the audience and inspire them to take some action to improve their circumstances. When I looked back at my story, I had to determine how I was going to present it. Was I going to talk about the negatives and how hard done by I was as a result, and how I am now living as a victim of my circumstances? Or was I going to acknowledge the negatives and turn them into some positive learnings, so instead of being a victim, I am a powerful warrior.

How you choose to tell your story is entirely up to you. It’s your story. The spin you put on it gives an insight into the way you view your life. When you take a moment to reflect on your story, if you don’t like it, you also have the power to change it. Don’t be afraid to rewrite your story, or more importantly, to accept what has already been written but change the ending to your story. The next chapter in your story has not been written, the only one chapter that is important today is the one you are writing day by day. Don’t think you know how the story is going to end, because things happen to us each day that determine what gets written next.

The story is less about the introduction and the conclusion, and much more about all the chapters in between. It’s ok for the tone to change as you move through the story, that just shows how much you have grown. In the end, you are the author of your story, you get to choose what is written, don’t be afraid to be different, don’t be afraid to take risks, don’t be afraid to change the characters in your story, and to change the ending multiple times along the way.

Don’t look back over past chapters; this will only lead to regret, accept them for what they are. On the other hand, worrying about what you are going to write in the future, will only lead to anxiety. Let the future unfold as its meant to; you will know what to write when the time comes. You can’t write that part based on who you are today; you grow into your future self. It’s a process.

Here is part of what I told the group of young people in my presentation last Friday:

“My last piece of advice: back yourself. You can do this! You can be whatever you want to be. It takes self-belief, hard work and determination. Don’t allow the circumstances in which you find yourselves to limit or define you. I never wanted to be known as ‘just’ the boss’s daughter working in the family business. That’s not who I really am. That’s just part of my story.

Most success stories we hear today are so inspirational because the protagonist defies the odds and rises above their challenging circumstances to emerge victorious. The story about the kid who went to private school, did a commerce degree, got a job in a well-known accounting firm and made partner by the age of 30, whilst admirable, is just not as interesting.

Each of you have a unique story to tell. After this course, each of you have an opportunity to shape your future. How the story reads is entirely up to you. I hope you make it a great one. I, for one, would love to read it”

So, to be told at the end of that that I have inspired them, means that on that particular day, not only did I remember my purpose, I got to fulfil it.

And that’s how I got my power back.