Sometimes it sounds way better in my head...

I am constantly writing stories in my head… and trust me there’s a lot of content circling around in my brain…. and as a dear friend pointed out to me a few days ago, it has been quite a while since I downloaded some of that ‘stuff’ into a blog.

So my friend, here you are, some light reading, just for you. Not sure what it will be about but let’s just see what unfolds, shall we?

The purpose of my writing a blog was always about taking a random thought that came to me in my travels, developing and exploring the idea to see if I could articulate it into something meaningful, firstly to myself, and then to anyone who might be interested in reading it. For me it would become a journal of my thoughts.

I recently bought a book for my daughter called “It sounded better in my head”. The book title resonated with me, because most things sound way better in my head, and often that is the safest place for them to stay.

But I like to think I am an open and transparent person, so I do share a lot of what I think and feel. The challenge is always around how to make the thing that sounds really good in your head, sound just as good when you say it… and an even bigger challenge: when you write in down.

Context is extremely important in all cases. In your own head, the context is there. You are only dealing with yourself, so you and yourself know completely where you stand. When you say something to someone, context is aided by tone of voice, body language and facial expressions… still there is a margin for error and misunderstanding. When you write it however, although the writer is fully aware of the context and assumes the reader is too, it is a little more difficult. A good writer may be able to provide the context but much depends on the person reading it; their perspective, biases, assumptions, conditioning, and their own experiences.

Writing comes down to words on a page. How do you make these words mean something, and more importantly, how do you make them say something meaningful? Therein lies the real challenge.

In a world which very much revolves around the written word, or more specifically, the typed word, it is very easy to see how connection has been totally taken out of context. Sure, the digital age allows us to connect to more people, but has in fact disconnected us from our physical world and the real connection which all humans need to sustain them.

What I have learnt, is that to be an effective communicator is not only extremely important but it is a skill, and a dying art.

So what have I been up to lately?

Well lots of stuff really…

If you follow my Instagram page, you may well conclude that I really enjoy my work and I am quite passionate about what I do. I am involved in lots of different things and I work with many different people. Apart from the people I directly work with, or am exposed to through other commitments, I get to meet a lot of new people… and I get to ask a lot of questions. Whilst the answers always fascinate me, they also lead me to realise that although each of us is quite different, there are some basic underlying attributes we all share; things we all want and need, things that most of us can’t or don’t see because we have somehow deviated off course.

What I have concluded, is that the questions we need to ask are extremely basic but nobody seems to be asking them. How do I know this? Because when I ask the basic, simple questions, I often get looked at like I am from another planet. Which then makes me look at myself and ask whether I am in fact an alien. The fact that the answers are most often right under our noses and we can’t see them, bewilders me. When I point out the obvious, I then get… “wow that’s so simple, but no-one thinks like that”.

Well, that is simply not true, everyone thinks like that because the stuff I am talking about is so basic that it’s just part of being a human being. We choose not to see it because we are so busy complicating our lives by trying to impress people, climb up the ranks, out do, out smart, out live, out shine, get more likes, more friends, more connections, more allies, a larger network… and the list goes on.

Underlying all human existence are some basic intrinsic needs, and as I write these words, I am taken back to a book I read when I was still in high school called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. I can’t remember if I chose to read it or if it was a school text, but for some reason, I always remember it.

Maslow’s theory is that all humans have a hierarchy of needs, and only once each level of needs is satisfied can one move to the next level. Right at the bottom, in the foundations or the most fundamental level, are the physiological needs. These are the needs that enable us to survive, such as eating, sleeping, breathing etc. Once these basic things are met, we move up to the next level. The next level contains the needs around feeling safe and secure. This includes physical safety as well as feeling secure about health, employment, resources etc.

Once having satisfied the need for security, we move up to the very important level of love and belonging. This is the need to feel loved and to feel you have a place and sense of belonging within your family, community, with your partner etc. This level is about connection.

On top of that, is the level of Esteem; confidence, self-esteem, reputation, mutual respect, achievement and the like, all reside on this level.

Then comes the ultimate level, only attainable once all needs on all other levels have been satisfied. The top of this pyramid is the need for Self-Actualization, as Maslow refers to it.

Self-Actualization is about the need for personal growth and fulfilment; the need to live your life to your highest potential; to be productive, creative and to make a contribution.

For me, an extremely important need at the highest level, is to make a contribution to humanity; to add value, to do something significant, no matter how big or small, to leave a footprint, to leave a legacy.

By no means am I an expert, but what was first proposed by Abraham Maslow in 1943, is still very relevant today.

In my travels I have gathered this:

We live in a lucky country, and fortunately for most of us, the needs around basic survival and safety and security are mostly being met. However, in saying that, I often get to see first-hand how some people in our society are still struggling at this level.

Let’s assume for a minute that most people have levels 1 and 2 covered, that brings us to levels 3, 4 and 5. I can easily see that when people feel they are loved, have a sense of belonging, and a strong connection to others, they are more confident, more grounded, more accepting and kind to others. I can see how all of this then enables creativity and fulfilment at the highest level.

I think level 3 is where the most work needs to be done, because it is at this level that we are failing, and because of this, we as a human race are struggling to get to levels 4 and 5. All humans have the basic human need and right to feel valued, to feel they belong, to feel loved. True connection and love, in all its forms, is the fuel that is required to get to the top level where you are realising, or ‘actualizing’ who you truly are, and what you need in order to be fulfilled.

I mostly see it in the workplace where people struggle to understand where they fit in, where they can give the highest value, and what part they play in the overall objective. They struggle to buy into the vision because they can’t answer the very simple, most basic question of ‘why’?

Everyone in the world needs to know ‘why’. It is only once we understand ‘why’, that we can understand our purpose, feel a sense of belonging and value because we feel part of where we are all going.

This is true in business as it is in life. In order to move to the level where you are reaching your full potential, ask yourself ‘why’. Why is it that you do the things you do? What do you want to achieve? Only after you understand why, can you determine what your purpose in life is, and fulfilling this purpose might just mean that you are in fact on the road to reaching your highest potential.

Take the time to work out what is truly important and what you really need to make yourself happy. Trust me, the answer is right under your nose. The answer is within you; the answer is in fact YOU.

“In any given moment, we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety” Abraham Maslow